Here i am @ 4 30am writing a post from the bottom of my heart for myself.
Just finished watching a movie called 'stay cool' , cute movie by the way. Story of an ordinary boy who falls in love with a girl in high school could never propose and almost 20 years later writes a book about what he felt which becomes a best seller. Quite cliche one may say but i kinda connected well with it.
I often wonder What fun one has in documenting what/how they feel? it is beyond my understanding. May be this is the reason, i wanna someday take this up as my PhD thesis too.
Few days back i too had a similar thought of documenting that one life event which was quite a detour from the usual but apparently changed the course of my life. I am referring to this because Thats the similarity which i share or a point of connection with the lead actor in the movie , but for me it was just a conception of thought of writing a book about 'it' , which in the movie he did.
When i initially thought about it, a lot of questions n doubts clouded in my head.
# What is the need to write?
*is it to create a momento of the experiences lived or is it a medium to get ones feelings across almost in entirety to that one person (which is a bleak chance, cuz who knows if he/she even follows what one writes?)
#what will happen once i start writing? What if it becomes inexhaustive? What if it becomes too overwhelming? What if it skids me back to square one.
A lot of what if's emerged .
But a thorough inspection of ones intentions n gut feel suggested, it has to be written for my own self.
A document that'll contain almost everything starting from minute details to big fat realities but all of it for me. For what- an easy access to visit back or a one time visit to get past it forever(May be). Who knows? And i will also not know until i start .
So ive decided i will start writing about it . In a fashion i have imagined, yes another cliche love filled romantic novel with a twist of reality in it.
Quest is to look for answers, to the questions infinite. Who knows in the pursuit what one May find . I m not expecting miracles but revelations would be good enough. It is in retrospect things/experiences make sense, and one develops a perspective . So i really dont know what am i looking for or what am i going to find, its like gambling which i am going to do with words. Hope i do justice to my feelings.*fingers crossed*
My posts have more questions than reflections/statements, i hope that explains the chaos in my life . At times i wonder is it what it looks like, or do words exaggerate a felt experience or undermine it, but i guess both are true, also because an experience and its authenticity lies just in that moment and no restructuring in thoughts/words will ever do justice to it.
On this abruptly vague note i shall end ,yet again intrigued and confused by the beauty/horror of aspects of human minds.
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