stuck in a phase

Broken faith , hard to trust, trust anyone.
Love is a pool of diverse feelings and emotions,
but the diversity of it you showed me was so limited.
love is the fire between two souls,
hard to believe cuz my dreams were burnt to death.
You belittle the word 'LOVE', your pretense you called 'CARE'.
MY efforts to live were trampled, to breathe were choked.
I was smashed by the heavy scaffolding of your lies.
m so afraid you're still on my mind
still tangled up in you, still caught in your pretense,
your filthy game you called LOVE.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

current scenario.....each word has a fear attached with it, fear to move ahead ....i wish i could help myself...

A Crime - He Let It Happen To Him

Round face with a tint in his eyes,
he came to me and held my hand,
his hands shivered, blood rushed to his face
he was scared and shocked...
Stammered, tried to speak
but his voice dint reach his throat ..
Then suddenly i heard him moan,
that's when i first saw a man crying..
My feet froze and my eyes dried.
suffocated to death,
but he still managed to breathe

he narrated HISTORY(his-story) to me
how a keeper, turned devil
gave him a life full of vacuum..
The demon killed him more each night.
he never uttered a word ,in awe
and lost a bit of himself each time
for years he bellowed
but people around had gone deaf
each time coerced in this inhuman act,
but he still chose to be silent.

One fine day he denounced
got slapped and kicked
nobody believed him...
Next night he stood up for himself
and brightened it with flames
alas he set him on fire..
Though he cried a lot on his demise
but the shackles were broken now
he could breathe freely for once..

This couldn't have been pardoned anymore
inequitable but yet quintessential...

Night's Stillness.....

AT NIGHT ,
SKY SEEMS SO NEAR COZ DARKNESS IS ALL AROUND,
NO STAR OF HOPE & NO LIGHT OF MOON IS ANYWHERE NEAR TO BRIGHTEN MY LIFE
TEARS FALL FROM EYE 2 CHEEK THEN CHIN 2 LAP
EACH OF THEM DIE EVERY SINGLE SECOND LIKE ME...
DARKNESS IS SO DEAR DAT EVEN A PICH OF LIGHT BYTES...
.....IT HURTS , IT BLEEDS & MY HEART & SOUL FIGHTS..
ITS EQUALLY TOUGH FOR DA DAY TO PASS AS NIGHT,
WHEN ITS DAY ITS LIGHT DAT BYTES & AT NIGHT DARKNESS HOLDS ME TIGHT....
IT MAKES ME REALIZE MY MOURNFUL DEFEAT
NO ELSE BUT ITS DESTINY WHICH WAS UP ON ME 2 CHEAT...
I LOST DA BATTLE I KNOW IL ALWAYS LOOSE
DEN Y DIS CREED OF FAULT IS WHOSE..
MY HURT MY PAIN IS WOT I CRY FOR,
NO WORRIES DUDE THERS STILL MORE IN STORE 2 WEEP FOR.............
SO DAY PASS AND DOES DA NIGHT & MY FINGER NAILS CUT MY LIFE LINE
..........COZ NIGHT IS SAME AND DARKNESS STILL HOLDS ME TIGHT..........

What If.....

What if I say…………...i miss u

Will u be here

What if I say…………..im cryin

Will u be here 2 wipe my tears

What if I say……………im scared

Will u take away al my fears

What if I say…………...m shakin

Will u be here 2 embrace my uncertainity

What if I say……………my lips r waitin 4 that last kiss

Will they ever be granted a wish

What if I say……………. my arms r freezed wide open

Will they b given a last hug

What if I say……….…I love 2 tremble every time u kissed me

What if I say……………I use 2 deliberately pretend falling

Cuz I know you'll be there 2 catch me

What if I say…………...i am dying

Will u be there to save me

What if I say…………..….i'll patiently wait in my grave

If Ur searching for my favorite orchids

What if I say……………….. i am hurt

Will u take away my pain

What if I say…………………I always loved u

Would it really matter

Will u be back………………………..

………………..i know no

Longest Night I Ever Faced

The darkest night ever stood

Clouds were black and so was my room

Blood on floor passing whereva it cud

Black clouds, black soul , black shadows

Haunting me whole nite

Darkness was al around & inside hollow me

I fall empty deep inside…………

Darkness is killin me n my soul

Dreamz r dere dey too so dark

Jus red n black n blood n dark

Those Halloween eyes shedding blood tears

And those dark hands wiping them wid fear

And so the story was………….a dark night

A black kid wid dark clothes and black eyes ,

running after a dark soul………………..

…….jus blackening her own soul

One Night....... I met Myself

I saw a lass gazing up in sky

Was a night of sparkling stars

& shining moon but she still called it dry

a black dress she wore

but was scared of the clouds roar

full of fright she moved forward

I thought her to be a coward

But she wasn’t……I was far but she was near

She said something but I cud not hear

But then I saw something glittering

Thinking what cud it be & I was shattering

& I saw it dropping ,

it looked precious ,

so I went hopping

but was late ,

I found a closed gate…..

She was near

but I couldn’t hear…..

She was asking me to catch her tears..

And I regret, how cud I miss that soft voice ,

it wasn’t loud but it was nice…….

But soon I realized it was my own soul that was dying.

Craving for care & someone 2 catch her tears

But her own soul couldn't hear

…………….what a fear……………………..

Me....

its a cold night and am shivering

hands refuse to move but am still writing

its dark and no hope of light I see

all alone hiding in a corner I find me

I introduced my real self to me

And realized how fake can I be

could fool friends animals and he

But no way I could play with me

Down on my knees looking up in sky

Is there anything worth left to try

Wasn’t it enough everyone stabbed my heart and soul

& still pat on my back and asked me to roll

why every time a threat n fear

from a one whose near……..

Flashback

walking down the memory lane,searching for the reasons of my corrosion, had been evading this issue for so long , but now i got a beckoning call from the almighty..

oh its so hazy and bedraggled , but i had to make a beeline for myself , walked ahead, all scared ang frightened, found my life was all crumbled, my heart looked like a cubbyhole , found nothin , but i just saw culmination..

thought i could replenish, to an extent now iv scraped through, but when i look back in time, i can see only my scars & a see a kid( thats me) scuffing around a house , sitting and crying on the porch....

passers by could hear the howl n screams but couldnt hear me cry.............

A Kiss

most sensuous moment it was
d 1st kiss o mine
terribly improper yet unforgettable
so must hav been urs
he was about 2 leav
bt suddenly, vaguely he turned
with a little shine in his eyes
but still holding a expressionless face
hurriedly he held in his arms
tho shivering n quivering, v mixed
his body closed to mine
eyes refuse 2 open both
in fear n passion
lips seemed locked
dey had met eagerly , yet it was soft
.......made it too long yet delightful
as it would & could last forever
& v stayed the way v were
oblivious & peckish......

As I Move To My Grave

Clouds of fury,
and they drained on me.
old blisters have sprung up,
heart filled with despair, thunders biting me,
delicate wrist is now bleeding free,
beautiful hands, now scars are seen,
wistful eyes are dripping,
a dreadful dream came true.
This fragile heart is jabbed again,
stabbed and sliced it bleeds again.
Filth of fate & i get jitters,
it wasnt a mishap ,it was my journey
which took me few more steps closer to my grave

Eyes Unread

n pursuit of love
weary, i still march onward.
To a destination uncertain,
weaving my own way,
with a bag full of splendid dreams.
Jostled by winds,
i sputter like a candle flame
still managing to burn
to brighten my own way.
Like an insomniac walking barefoot,
evading hurdles and pits
am still headed, quite perished.
In order to siege his heart,
i surrendered myself.
No clue he had,
not a word i uttered.
I stood beside but looked away,
walked along but ways apart,
smiled with him but weeped inside,
cried with him but numb inside...
Claimed i love , but couldn't proclaim.
EYES MET HIS,
BUT STILL LEFT UNREAD..

Hard To Breathe

Contaminated hearts, devoid of feelings.
Creating devastation of life.
Their soul's dead,
they are detrimental to you & me,
Devouring and Swallowing humans, like beans.

Remorseful acts but guilt's missing,
Hight of being cruel,and aint even repenting.
Monstrous they are, not atheist...
..uprooting saplings is insanity..

Sadistic in nature, Mentally unstable
I wonder what they were fed on??
.........Milk or Blood??
To them Whats soothing........
Shedding blood , digging graves,
adding to the number of tombs.
Why cant they be sent back to their mother's wombs.

Happiness & Peace ,they deny..
Prayers & tears, they defy..

They wont even know to what extent is the pain,
for a father of a late young son to feign,
courage that hes still strong....
mother-who knows not where she went wrong....
and the son who is six feet under,
crying for help which he cant render......

No more it seems like a place to live,
circled and centered with morgues & mausoleums
Surrounded with air so morose...
ITS HARD TO BREATHE........