TOXICITY

For the longest time i held it in my fist
know not why know not how
its sand quality
let it pass
in time with no remains.
at once what i held in my fist
seemed like a flower
it blossomed
in my sweaty palms
but then came the fall and it withered
in my same hands it rustled

In between a shrillness
 of rustling and falling
 things mushroomed around
what a pity i saw the same flower
blossoming around me
no more in the sweat of my arms
brighter than the red ink
flashing through my veins

yes i picked the wrong flower
and poisoned it with my sweat
even if it was
it would've had a pungent smell

the air around me is thick
its infective and lethal
To, all you blossoming flowers
you shall be dead if near me

so kindly go away
cuz i cant live with
a blame.

Sisak

wo yaadon k tukde

Chupke se

raat ke aaghosh main 

andhere main siye 

mala si piroye

aankhon k raste

palkon pe sisakte hue 

, fir hoton ne piye

wo sehem k bikhar jana mera

hathon main hath rakh 

fir dekh muskurana tera

wo sannaton main goonjti 

fir wahi ek awaaz 

wo lafz ankahe

din ki chaka chaundh 

main jo bayan na hoye

aur raat ki khamoshi 

main ansuney reh gaye

A Face

Amidst hundred faces he saw a face 

the beauty struck his pie

the way red clouds in the dusk would captivate 

force so magnificent 

like a tide in a deep blue sea

with a barbed edge of a crescent moon

it sliced his crux ,sumless 

A face in veneer 

made a fine delicacy

masked and concealing 

swaying away the hay 

dazzled by an eyeful 

and deceived by the beaut  

that face in hundred faces 

brought dismay

the sailor lost him in mist

dropped a bundle he

abandoning already mislaid ship 

for this frivolous deplete

still hanging on to his hat

looking for that face 

...... in hundred faces.

Someday

if i couldnt yesterday
then its not a big deal

even if not today
then i must not feel

silly to an extent
i cant afford to be

il get past it someday
is all i dream .

i still havent heard
winds murmur
clouds roar
and sea waves splashing
on my feet

 i am yet to
discover the colors
in a rainbow

if i couldnt yesterday

then its not a big deal

even if not today

then i must not feel 

silly to an extent 

i cant afford to be 

il do it someday

is all i dream .

and may be that someday

is not very far ..

Surreal to real

For once i have no poem to share. i have words with no loops and knots.
i am almost feeling magical today , cuz this feeling that i am feeling today, i hadn't experienced it before. And its all because of a friend, who happens to be a clone of me.
the wavelength at which i think (which i do not propose is very high or low but whatsoever it is) people do not reach there easily.

i have lots of questions and no answers, one of which is what does an average human being aspire to be?
Answers are many - successful ,happy ,famous etc etc
next question is how much of it does he achieve? and who decides or weighs this achievement  .
of course everybody knows its the person himself who declares it, but knowing how unsatisfied humans are , can we actually say that we are the ones who actually decide it....and i can continue the loop further but the point i am trying to make is one can actually know what he actually desires.

latching on to desire , i know what my desires are , and i have seen them being met , the reality which happened when the desires came true was enthralling, and that is exactly the part which we want.

This particular phase , not to say its all a bed of roses, has the element of fantasized real , which makes it perfect for oneself, in this perfect moment things aren't a cake walk but you have the courage to cross boundaries barefoot, everything doesnt become easy all of a sudden but suddenly the perspective changes towards the most difficult things in life.

and how does this seemingly 'perfect' world comes alive?....(word-perfect is no where used in its literal meaning)
its when, you meet this special someone (unlike fiction , ones tailor made guy/girl) this person has its own flaws and potential. And mind you this event has nothing to with the quantitativeness of your relation to this someone , it could be few minutes few months few years and that too at any point of time in life.

And i keep all moral ethics and norms aside when i talk about this kind of aliveness which one other person is able to create in you, at this point of time nothing else matters. Cuz may be unconsciously we are aware of the fact that this away moment from everyone/everything is going to be very short lived.

This reality and the real reality also will coincide and make it fall apart.

For me . for real , i have met this special someone , for a very short span and it has altered my life, I've learnt one new thing and thats contentment, one may feel - how funny it is to talk about contentment at such a young age , but then again its not the quantity but the quality of life lived which can help you attain it.

'good things dont stay'- anonymous , but i guess they do in your thoughts,. in your memories , its how you keep them alive. i bet one cannot even in fantasy surpass this fanatic feeling (which some people call LOVE) , i know not what name to give it but for sure it is the pinnacle.

And just today i learnt its not in my head that i feel the extravagance of this feeling but there are others too , who have felt it closely.

as i said i do not have a poem to share today but my poetic side compels me to drop few lines-
"beyond you is
nothing,
beyond this feeling is
nothing.
but with you it is
life"

bereaving in silence

i am who i dont know

no flowers bloom no trumpets blow

i have what i never wanted

beholding silence enchanted

i pine for what i had

almost eternal bliss, no fad

lost grace,now wallflower

attired in darkness in her bower

a gown of chasm she wears

her bareness exposed fears

of the gaze unseen

impingement to the green

life she had seen

had not annulment been

rhetoric silence weens

only a diamond tear sheens

dismayed and dejected

to bereft of life, subjected.

Unconscious play

Ever felt a compulsion to be there for someone completely, in process neglecting ones own self?

Ever been a 4am friend?

Has your world ever revolved around just some one?

Its good to be nice but niceness can also be a symptom. It has proved right for some. Quite an idealized image they have but what purpose does it serve?

Nothing.

But , one it Corrodes , two it erodes and three its distressing.

Niceness is often confused with selfishness and fakeness but there is another dimension to it - which is pathology, which not everyone can perceive.

It’s a characteristic bipolarity, to be always on the extreme end of the continuum, ambivalence missing.

Giving just not what’s more than required but what’s beyond ones capacity, eventually draining oneself.

Self love replaced entirely by object love.

Desire to be love and held is projected and so much so that one feels enmeshed/ the part of the other, losing ones own identity.

Identity of the other becomes the identity of the self completely destroying the subjectivity and individuality of the person.

Evidences are too meager to be noticed to interpret, though right in front of you.

Led by insecurities, in order to prove wrong as right, the unconscious guides you on a path unknown.

Where sanity is left somewhere behind and with each act, one walks one step closer to insanity.

Search for truth, know not whose? Truth of/about oneself or truth of/about the other which apparently is assumed to be same. Path unknown and only of miseries, impossible to fathom meaning, yet all attempts directed towards comprehending meaning. Know not what?

Rationalization at bay, defenses dormant.

It’s all unconscious play,

Saw an angel with broken wings

Jeweled and flamboyant

With her sparkling tiara

Saintly in her ways

Innocence she spreads

Scent of a woman

Angelic conduct

Extravagance not marked

But an aura of paradise

Exquisiteness cherished

But her world upturned

She fell to the ground

Now unadorned

Picking up pieces

Of her battered tiara

With a subdued look

On her mesmeric face

Her Scent lingered

But she was lost

In the stench around

And that’s when

I saw an angel

With broken wings.

no title (pure sublimation)

Too scared within

To play again

Or to say to win for once

Stepping in same trap

Of emotions and feelings

Practicality at bay

Queen of fools

Deceived by it

Destination unknown

Meanings unheard

Roulette it is

Everyones losing

On something or the other

Happiness within

Hard to locate

Searching it

In the trajectory beyond