In sickness and in health

When i was a kid i loved Vows, i guess i still do but apparently hightened consciousness has added to the paranoia now.
"I ,_____, take thee,_____, to my
lawful wedded Husband/wife, to have and
to hold from this day forward, for
better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love,
cherish, and to obey , till death us do part, according to God's holy
ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

My personal favorite Is 'in sickness and in health' not because personally i fall sick very often but also because i understand what all especially sickness brings along, and in health m sure we all can deal with the atrocities of life.<
I personally have felt that rage and anger which is also accompanied by a lot of guilt (not to forget) when one is sick or when ur loved one is .

Lets get to the less complicated part first, that is the experience of sickness rather than the feeling which one feels when one is sick.
Ive had many experiences but there are few i wanna share both as a healthy person taking care of the sick and a sick person being taken care of .
It was a cold morning and there was a hot lava spurting in my under pants. (those of you who cannot understand it was the first day of my menstrual cycle). I had a paper submission and just to deposit a hard copy i had to go through a torture of a jam packed train journey which was an hour and a half one way . Mind you this is just the travelling time.. Getting out reaching college etc etc not included in the calculation. I knew its going to be one of those impossible days when you wish you had a penis instead of a vagina. Anyway dying in pain, pale faced i drag myself out of my bed and shower , changing into an all black attire. Ready to head out for the anticipated torturos journey ad my phone beeps, it said- " hello darling , good morning i know you must be heading out for college , just wanted to let you know i am picking you from #station, just let me know when you leave?"
I sat back on my bed picked phone and replied - " i am leaving right away" , phone beeped again , the message read "oh okay. You might have to wait 5-10 minutes at the station but then Il pick you up and drop you to college and bring you back too" ,I just replied an okay with a smiley , still wondering what just happened. By the way that was my 'love' who sent the usual good morning message but it was just a bit a different this morning.
20minutes i still travelled to reach to the #station with just my phone beeping timely to tell me his status and to know how ar am i and along with it some lousy music playing in my ears .
I got off at the station waited for five minutes and he was there in his dazzling golden sedan. He came and opened the front door for me took my bag and hurriedly throwing it in the back seat, made sure i was  seated comfortably and he put the car door behind me mumbling few words that sounded like 'this is a no parking zone where i stopped, we gotta make a move' .
I sat quietly in the seat next to his, he put his seat belt and politely asked me to put mine confirming again if i was comfortable.
I sat back relaxed and he played some really nice music and drove through heavy traffic. As soon as we hit the highway he took out a chocolate from his pocket and gave it to me , i accepted with a smile.
Holding the chocolate in my hand and with the rustling sound of its wrapper , in a soft voice said thanks. He turned to me looking at me with all the love possible on earth that he could shower upon me in that very moment he said - 'i know my baby was in pain, couldnt get coffee but did know chocolate with help with the pain, and i knew travelling wouldn't have been easy for you today so i thought Il spend some time with my love, may be she ll better?', looked away staring ahead at the highway and softly whispered "do you feel better?"
Eating chocolate like a fat kid still fighting the pain in my lower abdominal region i laid my head on his shoulder and whispered in his ears "i love you" ,he kissed my head and said "i love you too baby".
He played another mesmerisingly beautiful song and said-"I promised you ,Il be there by your side in sickness and in health, and here i am" , i dint say a word i lifted my heavy head from his shoulder and leaned against the glass of the window, all i did the entire journey was to look at him with eyes that expressed nothing but love. I forgot everything in that moment and i couldnt get my eyes off him.

And like these there had been many such occasions where he left me awestruck.

But there came a day when he left . Apparently for good and all these vows especially the one mentioned above went piercing down my heart.

What happens to the vow now? I thought it said till death us do apart, but a misunderstanding was enough to do us apart.

I still fall sick and sometimes majorly and its that one vow that he took that hurts more than the actual pain. Its so fascinating how someone's presence can be so relieving on the basis of just few words.

Its these words and their hollow existence which really kills you.

And now look at the irony , i willfully wish for sickness, as much as i hate it i still do and i wish i get really sick. He left me in health, is this a way to believe that he might return in my sickness ? Are these the unconscious pointers whichmakes me keep going back to the vow.
What a shame, i , a person with a heightened consciousness also lives for something as hollow as words.

This is one side of the story .

Another is when you want to be the care taker ,and as much as you want you cannot do anything Thats what fills me up with rage and anger. And a guilt which follows is also stemming from same hollow meaningless words, you know you promised , and you know Cant do much and now that Hes gone you Cant even be there Thats what eats u up inside. I dream and get visions of him not being okay but still i feel helpless.

My question to myself and others who understand where my thought originated from ,is - if we know words have a hollow existence how come we get so vulnerable to them? How come we become slaves of such baseless existence where everything is so hollow?